A Journey with Back Pain - Part 3: The rest of the story

Beautiful Soul,

It's been interesting for me to share this story about my journey with back pain. I've let you in on something that I haven't really talked much about all these years.

What kind of yoga teacher has ongoing struggles with back pain?

At first, while it was all happening, I was kind of embarrassed. I mean what kind of yoga teacher has ongoing struggles with back pain and actually reinjures herself with yoga over and over again? (Letting you inside my head back then...)

It's pretty fascinating, now, to look back and realize the expectations I had of myself. AND the ideas that other people have about yoga teachers contributed to that a lot. I remember one time when I had a headache and a student said to me, "How can you have a headache?" Indicating that because I was a yoga teacher, I shouldn't get sick or have pain. I knew it was unrealistic but it added to my fear that students wouldn't trust me if I didn't "have it all together".

I also heard other teachers say things like, "Oh, I don't ever need to go to a chiropractor, I just do my yoga." That too, made me feel like there was something really wrong with me since my yoga wasn't doing the trick on it's own.

So there I was with intermittent back pain, often aggravated by my yoga practice, pretending that everything was ok. And just trying harder and harder to "get better". Unfortunately, I now know of so many other yoga teachers who have had similar struggles! And I know too that you don't have to be a teacher to get caught up in the cycle of "just trying harder" and feeling like if you just keep searching, there must be an answer.

We all want so much to be healthy. And those of us who really pay attention to our health, can often feel like we're failing when something in our bodies goes wrong. But you're not failing if you have physical, or any, health challenges. And realizing that, I found, was one of the very first steps to finally moving into a more healthy state.

This was one of the first steps toward a more healthy state.

That shift in how I viewed myself and the pain I had helped to propel me into a deep curiosity and exploration of what was going on in my body, from the inside. It was still helpful for me to have support from my teachers and practitioners but I no longer took what they said to be the "truth". Instead I let their assessments help guide me to what might be helpful for me to consider and explore. And when what they told me felt off, I honored that feeling more than their words.

I stopped pushing myself so much in my yoga practice too. Early on one teacher told me over and over that I just needed to get stronger. But what I discovered when I finally started to listen inward (and to a new teacher with a different perspective) was that I needed to relax and soften. That was the gateway into a deeper strength that helped me to actually heal.

My yoga practice changed dramatically.
And so did my experience of my back.

This shift lead me to where I am now - painfree for over 15 years!

And it lead to my fascination with the unseen elements of health and healing. I've moved more and more away from a mechanical model of teaching alignment and form - though those definitely have their place - and into guiding students to connect to their subtle body and inner wisdom to map their healing path forward.

I'd love to hear how any of this resonates for you. What's been your experience? And what are you curious about as you traverse this being human in a body journey?

With love,

PS....If you feel inspired about how your yoga practice could shift if you just listened in more deeply? In addition to the Spine Immersion I have going on currently, I have 3 spaces in my schedule available for new private clients. I would love to talk with you about your practice and how I could support you to make the shifts you desire for improved health and a sustainable practice to support you over the long haul. Get in touch by emailing me at leslie@yogaheartsong.com and I'll get you scheduled for a complimentary call so we can explore together.